repost of Filian and Piacenza's Blog post

The first time I attended, I was a hot mess. Freaked out is an understatement. I thought I would levitate right out of my skin.  No one and I mean no one would sit next to me. It was like I was branded a “foster mom”…… a real bad guy. People would begin to walk up to the empty seat next to me, take one look at me and turn away.
I had no idea what I was doing. When the bailiff came out he checked everyone in. (BTW – he is super cute and most of the girls in the waiting room flirt with him.) He asked me who I was there for and asked me my relation.  Miss S.’s name was right there on the check-in sheet and right above it was her Big-Sister’s name.  (Miss D would later join our family too) He marked a FP for Foster Parent next to her name.  I could see that someone had checked in for Miss D.  But who?  There went my head…… swiveling around.  Who is here for her sister? I could hardly breathe. To this day, I have no idea who signed in for her. At that moment, Bio-Mom was a no show.  I knew what she looked like because I was able to find some photos of her on facebook. I found myself covertly staring at people to see if I recognized any of the them from my cyber-sleuthing.
It was now past 9am and I’m texting Eddie that Bio-Mom hasn’t shown up when out of the corner of my eye…..I see her and she is wearing a blouse that I had seen before in a facebook photo.  She was with her mom.  Her mom is my age.  I’m 44 and thinking that Miss S.’s bio-grandma is MY AGE! She didn’t know who I was.  It was the most odd feeling.  I wanted to tell her about how wonderful S. is.  I wanted to somehow relate and at the same time I had nothing to say to her or her mom.
GRATEFUL FOR A GLIMPSE AND THEN BITTER.It’s true….. I became bitter.  You see, I was tried from sleepless nights, early morning feedings, diapers, visits with social workers, doctors and mostly tired from the weeks of worrying about court.  My hair was way past due for a wash, my clothes still had a little slobber on them from the early morning feeding, my nails were bad and my make-up that I applied in the car (i was parked) looked like crap because I left my mascara at home. I felt like a slob.
Bio-Mom and Bio-Grandma looked like a million bucks.  Both had fancy manicures, freshly styled/dyed hair and matching rhinestone outfits.  Yes – they both had on matching V.S. Love velour track-suits! Glitzy gems spelled something across their backs and behinds. I felt bitter and that feeling passed quickly.  It was sad.  Bio-Mom kept her head against the wall, she never looked up, she was snap-chatting and just waiting to be called. The apple didn’t fall far from the tree and she never really stood a chance at a normal life. It is hard to break free when you are trapped in a cycle and a neighborhood like hers.  Their rap-sheets are long.  They run in serious gang circles. Since this began, I have lost count on how many times they have been arrested. They might look cute on the outside but the reality is not a pretty story.
This day in court, I actually didn’t go into the courtroom. Miss S.’s attorney informed me that the DNA test for the alleged Bio-Father was not back yet so they would not be addressing S.’s case.  It would only be D’s case being heard.  I opted out of going in because at the time I believed that D was being adopted by a family member and I didn’t think it was my place to stir up emotions.
We have come a long way baby……
Since that first day in court (16 month ago), I have been back numerous times. Now when I attend, I am the voice for Miss D. and Miss S.  You see, Miss D.’s path lead her to our door. Both girls are now in the process of being adopted by me and Eddie.  It was a long road to get the .26 hearing.  The .26 hearing is the termination of parental rights.  In my next post about children’s court, I will go into detail about the mistakes that were made in the courts and how the mistakes created outrageous delays. I will also explain the amazing feeling of hearing our names in court for the first time. It knocked the wind out of me.
Good news…… the girls are not going anywhere and we are in the process of planning the adoption party.  We have zero idea of when the party will be……but it’s in motion. The sisters will be adopted together!