things foster parents need to stop doing

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nonsense that needs to stop now

Although many people will tout the importance and goodness of foster parents especially other ones, but the truth needs to be had. For every good foster parent out there there are quite a few bad ones who are out there for the money. The ones who do not care about the children enough or the ones who collect so many children that they cannot give each child the individual attention that they deserve..

Then there are the foster parents who wish for the parents to have their rights terminated. They want the children "for themselves" and the parents' reunification efforts pose a threat to their desires. The parents may be working their plans but the foster parents may fabricate lies or prevent visits from occurring. Even if the foster parents do want to support reunification, they should at least not create blockades for the parents. These foster parents do not have the right to be the judge jury and executioner. Because they hold higher status in the court's eyes due to their financial and experience, they should be aware of the weight they carry in the case.. Should the parents mess up, it is the duty of the foster parent to be a neutral party to report only facts and the case worker and the court to levy any sanctions. 

Comments that celebrate TPR or parents' losing their rights or case are strongly discouraged. They do not help anyone and teaches the child to be against his or her parents. The child should be allowed to decide how to view their parents without undue influence. When the child has the parents judged by foster parents, the child may feel confused, invalidated, or angry at the foster parents for judging their parents. They may feel despite the issues surrounding their case, they still love their parents and any interference or outside judgement is wholly inappropriate. Bio parents also face enough judgement. Do not add to that. Let the judge and their caseworker be the ones to yell at them. 

Another issue is do not force the children to call you mommy or mom. If they say it of their own volition that is ok, but forcing them to call you mommy or daddy without allowing them to figure out who they wish to associate as their primary caregiver is unfair to the bio parents and the children. Children are already confused enough by this process... do not add to it even more. Also acting like you are the primary mother and showing displays of overt affection during a visit is also unnecessary. The bio parents feel enough shame about not being allowed to spend more time nurturing their children, please do not humiliate them more.

....and finally do not fabricate lies and try and have them submitted to court. This helps no one.

Thank you that is all for today.